Story #29. Happy Birthday, Agnes

Today, a year ago, i had my final interview in the family company which i still work for them till now. The word “family” refer to the boss family of course, not mine. There are up and down during the year.

Today, two years ago. I prepared myself for a marriage. Thank God it didn’t happen, he’s nothing but a badass. Now i’m glad that he’s just a history. I face bad days for a few months before i finally be strong and brave enough to get up. Get back my lost life.

Today, five years ago. I made a choice to have  a carrer instead of working in a field that i actually love it so bad. Left the one i love too. Thinking that i’m a big girl and no need anyone to worry about me.

Today, eight years ago. University life feels so good. I enjoy every moment that time: Dumb, silly, crazy, depressed, laugh out loud, crying for stupid reasons. Hahaa… Well i also remember i punch someone in the face, i remember his shocked face! Gotcha! This is also my first time become a tutor.

Today, seventeen years ago. I met bunch of crazy girls that we name ourself “rock fam” till today sometimes we met. Best friend forever.

Today, twenty years ago. OMG i was 10years old and often imagine what would i look like when i’m in the university or even older like 30 years old or so. I was wearing a white shirt and skirt, black shoes, white socks. I put a white bandana in my head. I get my first communion.

Today, twenty six years ago. Mama stop working as a nurse and decide to full take care of me and my bro. Papa takes us move from yogya to jakarta. I was often crying when papa leave home for work. I guess that’t the start of i’m became a maudlin one.

Today, 30 years ago. I was born. My parent name me Agnes Enggar Pratiwi, before then I add “Audrey” before “Agnes”.

Today, 29 Oct 2015, before the day end I’d like to thank God for His grace. He know me better than i knew myself. His love is real and has no end. I was lost but He’ve found me.

Dear God, sometimes i feel like i know what i want and what i need. But You know me better than i know myself, I have some plan to spend every minute, hours, days, years, but i realize that You own me. Now i pray to You to guide me, i’ll be an empty paper and You’ll be the pen. I give you my whole life story. I’ll stop asking things that i decide, because You know better what’s best for me. About family, mine isn’t perfect but by this imperfection we may find Your love in each of us. About career, it’s up to You, God. Position isn’t everything. In fact i can have better life while dissmissing the position. About soulmate, don’t mind it. Even if i’m just all alone till my last breath i know for sure You’ll take care of me. But in case You prepare someone to spend our rest of life in togetherness I believe You’ll let us met when You’re done fixing me. Just make us met at Your time, whenever it is I don’t mind. God, there’s one thing You know i can only asked it deep in my heart. You gave me more than I deserve and I thank you for that one. Like Katy Perry said “there’s a rainbow after a hurricane” so with the moment i face, i find Your blessing in disguise.

Happy Birthday to myself.
“..and this is not over
There’s time
There’s still so much time..”

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