Story #67. Exhausted

“I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”

Year 2013. I lived by myself. Away from parent and families. Rent a room in a city, near my office. My routine was get up – working – sleeping – repeat. Sometimes on the weekend I hangout with some fellows or fly to Jakarta to see mom, dad, bro and nephew. I don’t think I can get bored with my daily basis. In my office that time, there’s an old man I know as security. One day in the afternoon when I came back to office after a visitation I say hi to this old man. It was almost Eid Al Fitr I remember. He asked me, “bentar lagi libur lebaran, bali omah ra ‘nduk?” -holiday is coming, do u plan to come home?- I said, “Nggak deh, PakDe. Malah kayaknya mau main ke Lampung!” –No, in fact, I plan to visit Lampung during holiday- I know the beach is awesome in Lampung. His next response was “How long have u been lived alone? Don’t you feel like always missing home?” . Wow! I start to count, it was 2004 when I was started. Yeah, I start the university and then working and never cross in mind that I wanna live with my parent again. That moment when he asked if I’m missing home I shut my mouth for a second. I feel so strange. No one asked me such question before. I start to count, it’s been 9 years since my parents do not see me every single day 😜. 

But What is that strange feeling that I felt? How can I think that the second he asked me I feel like it’s mom or dad that asking. Nine years is a wow since I never count it. I think I more than miss them. Sometimes I feel exhausted too. I might just cover it well with doing good at work and having a little social life. I get used to take care of myself, keep my body simply health and trying to be makesense in everything so I can categoriezed my self as “alive”. -Anyway in fact I don’t really care of my own health. I just got a gastric pain right now, writing this random story-.   I’m  handling frustration, turn sadness into happiness, struggling for my life, light up a hope when I feel like give up, but yeah.. that was a fucking second when I extremly feel exhausted for trying to be stronger than I feel. Even my ex was an asshole in that period so I can’t even expect a hug. Poor me.

So I told this old man, “It’s been nine years since I left home. I do miss them, do you think they miss me too? A daughter like this?” 😏 He looked at me shockingly, catch my wide silly smile on my face then we laugh together, the second after he start to make fun of me, “..daughter like you, yeah.. I have no idea.. it is hard to tell..”. 

Wtf! I continue life…



Story #66. Drama Asam Lambung

Hey you! :- )

I’m coffee lover, I eat spicy food, and any other delicious food and baverage yang gak boleh dimakan penderita asam lambung akut. Kalo lagi sehat banget ya gue asik-asik aja. But it’s a disaster when it comes up. Gue bisa cuma duduk di tangga kantor di depan toilet, cuma bolak balik muntah. Padahal yang dimuntahin juga cuma air, secara udah terlanjur kumat! Minum air aja keluar lagi, makanan mana sanggup masuk!

So, I was about having a late lunch in a busy day. I promise a friend I’ll come by to do him a favor while I had a late treatment at the body spa 😦  I was in a hurry when I’m done at the day spa at around 1pm. I feel unwell, I don’t think I could drive myself. So I drop my car at home and took a commuter line to my friends place. Gak jauh-jauh amat sih cuma dari Karawaci ke Petojo. I should wait for like 20 minutes at the station because I just missed the train. Arrived at Duri station, another friend inisiatively pick me up. It was a hot day as I remember, I got headache and stomach was feels like hell and it’s getting worse padahal gue gak mau keliatan kalo gue lagi sakit! I don’t want my friend to feel sorry. Kan gue sakit bukan salah dia. Thank God I can lay my head for a while in his car, lol.

When we finally arrive at my friends place, we were working in a hurry. He was working on a short movie video and I do my part as necessary. I had a pancake with vanilla ice cream and also a cup of hot chocolate. It should be yummy if only I’m at my best health. Sayangnya enggak! 😦 Tapi tetep sih gue makan semua (๑・̑◡・̑๑)

Later when we had done, the one that pick me up at the station offer me a ride, he knows that I was sick. So I get in his car, can’t help to stay awake any longer. I close my eyes but I feel hell in my head and stomach. I was start to cry a little bit. He was about stop by at the atm nearby. I said “I’ll wait in the car“, so he keep the aircon on. Can’t help myself not to puke, I open up the door and puke! About 5 minute after  it, he’s back. He said he’ll drive me home. But I’m such a heartless idiot if I let him do that. Rumahnya di Duren Sawit, gue ke Karawaci, and we were at somewhere in Jakbar. It’s like Sun Go Kongs story, heading west from east looking for a scripture.

I got sick for another couple time after it. Everytime I feel sick, I open up the door and puke. I was about drive him mad karna sembarangan buka pintu bisa celakain pengguna jalan lain kan. He got an idea. He called a friend to accompany our stupid jurney. We pick up his friend, he’s leaving nearby, stop by at the alfamart to buy some drinks and tolak angin. Gue juga dibikinin air gula, baik banget kan temen gue… yang pada akhirnya gue minum seteguk dan berakhir di kantong plastik! He was asked the cashier girl an extra plastic bag. Sengaja. Buat gue muntah biar gak kebangetan nyusahin dan celakain dia. It was the longest trip from jakbar to home. Damn!

We made it. I arrived home safely. His friend had smoking before left the house. “Sebabut” : “sebatang, cabut”. Gue langsung tidur. Perut kosong. Sakit banget mompa muntah. Ga sanggup makan. Baru besokan paginya gue makan! 👻
Been a couple week after it, I hangout with this guy, the one that drives me home. We were with some other fellows. I said, ” …hey, btw, how’s your friend doing? He’s such a good guy ya that he don’t mind to accompany you driving that far”. He answered me slow, “ooh, he’s doin fine. He might worry about you and the baby”. 

Eeh? What baby? Lo yang gila apa gue yang budeg!
His explanation was undebateable. “Jadi gini nes, lo kan sakit, muntah-muntah.. Ya kan gue ajak temen mesti pake alasan donk.. and the reason is should be dramatic.. so I made up a story that you are pregnant. You were good in acting like a pregnant woman that day.”

Oh he’s sucks and I feel like a crap!!
He continue his story, so his friend was agree to accompany him. While he saw me, he believe that I’m pregnant. On their way back to Jakarta, his friend was asking “So, what would you do now? Marry her?” My friend was like “yeah, as it’s mine so yeah, what else can I do”. 

WTF! I wasn’t pregnant, I’m just disgustingly put him in a situation. I hate that his explanation was so right. Siapa juga orang gila mau nempuh jakarta barat – karawaci – duren sawit 🙈.