Story #74. Hurt

“A woman like me, hides a thousand feelings behind my happiest smile. When the time’s come, call me cold, call me heartless, you name it. Really, I don’t mind. Maybe I am”.




Really, sometimes in life my heart breaks into pieces. Another time, it could shine so bright when I feel love is real and make me alive.

Love. How can I describe what it is? I guess mostly people are just too theoretical about it, no? For me love is like a fuel that keeps me live, but in other side it works like poison to me. Talk to me about love among families, among friends. But to live a life I need more than that. I’m addicted to some kind of feeling that boost me in whatever I’m doing, even in some certain periodic it brings me down, and an offering of the new love’s come over.

You. Dozen or hundreds of you out there. I didn’t say that you’re all the same. Of course every you is a new “stuff” for me. My burning red, sambabi, sugar bear, papa bear, sweetbabe, etc whoever you are. People said that there’s a lesson we learnt from someone we met in our live. Every new character, new style, new story, new you… literally. Somehow I feel sorry that i can make none of them stay. There’s fight, there’s moment of avoid each other. Then after that, a new you come to my life. People sees it as I’m easily replacing someone in my heart. Well I don’t blame them that they don’t understand what I really feel: hurt.