“Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark gray all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
(early year of 2017)
Him. Even in my daily basis I often forget, but there are some memories that is hard to forget. The harder I try, I harder I fail. Maybe some things in life mean to just stay in mind, and all I can do is keep it in the corner and label it “do not touch”. Reminiscing memories about him, the one I just known for a while. It only need a second to fall for him, LoL. Impression of depression, bad boy but charming, cheerful and hid his pain. I remember first time we met, I didn’t liked him at all. He’s so annoying. Look for attention. Second time we met, we hangout together with some other friends. There where everything started. It’s amazing when we both fall and really, love is real. It’s brighten my day. Being with him is always boost my mood, loving him is like doing free fall from Jembatan Cinta at Tidung Island. It’s not really fall, maybe it’s only less than 10 meters but that’s the only bridge I’ve ever try to free fall for the rest of my life. Feel so rich, excited, and afraid at the same time. “Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song”. Since the universe bring me to him, it’s like I found all I ever wanted while I never really describe myself what do I really want. Like I found the missing puzzle.
As the universe bring us together, it also tear us apart. Somehow it has to reach the end. Had to let him go. I can’t make him stay. “Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong“. It’s pain, it’s sad to not be with him. I break my heart again. This is not easy because the emotions involved between us were so intense. Losing him is blue like I’d never known. I still call his name when he’s not around, like his name is forever in my lips. But we’ve made decision, we’re on our own. I never regret the relationship but in fact I wish things had been different. Missing him is dark grey all alone, forgetting him was like trying to know somebody I never met, and loving him can turn blue into red. A burning red, that’s us used to be. Then I have to get used with just “me”, being alone again. Keep the memories in the corner of my mind. Somehow I can’t help myself that I miss him and feel the pain in my heart. But I ride my mind, I let the memories stays. I let it be, I keep moving. When the pain re-appears, I said to myself “Feel it, it’s fine, he’s your burning red, carry it and move on“.
See you in my next episode of life.