Story #67. Exhausted

“I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”

Year 2013. I lived by myself. Away from parent and families. Rent a room in a city, near my office. My routine was get up – working – sleeping – repeat. Sometimes on the weekend I hangout with some fellows or fly to Jakarta to see mom, dad, bro and nephew. I don’t think I can get bored with my daily basis. In my office that time, there’s an old man I know as security. One day in the afternoon when I came back to office after a visitation I say hi to this old man. It was almost Eid Al Fitr I remember. He asked me, “bentar lagi libur lebaran, bali omah ra ‘nduk?” -holiday is coming, do u plan to come home?- I said, “Nggak deh, PakDe. Malah kayaknya mau main ke Lampung!” –No, in fact, I plan to visit Lampung during holiday- I know the beach is awesome in Lampung. His next response was “How long have u been lived alone? Don’t you feel like always missing home?” . Wow! I start to count, it was 2004 when I was started. Yeah, I start the university and then working and never cross in mind that I wanna live with my parent again. That moment when he asked if I’m missing home I shut my mouth for a second. I feel so strange. No one asked me such question before. I start to count, it’s been 9 years since my parents do not see me every single day 😜. 

But What is that strange feeling that I felt? How can I think that the second he asked me I feel like it’s mom or dad that asking. Nine years is a wow since I never count it. I think I more than miss them. Sometimes I feel exhausted too. I might just cover it well with doing good at work and having a little social life. I get used to take care of myself, keep my body simply health and trying to be makesense in everything so I can categoriezed my self as “alive”. -Anyway in fact I don’t really care of my own health. I just got a gastric pain right now, writing this random story-.   I’m  handling frustration, turn sadness into happiness, struggling for my life, light up a hope when I feel like give up, but yeah.. that was a fucking second when I extremly feel exhausted for trying to be stronger than I feel. Even my ex was an asshole in that period so I can’t even expect a hug. Poor me.

So I told this old man, “It’s been nine years since I left home. I do miss them, do you think they miss me too? A daughter like this?” 😏 He looked at me shockingly, catch my wide silly smile on my face then we laugh together, the second after he start to make fun of me, “..daughter like you, yeah.. I have no idea.. it is hard to tell..”. 

Wtf! I continue life…


Story #64. A Birthday (Aple of my eye, love me till I Die – 1)

(A story from a friend, for her hidden child)

Dear you,
Hey, how are you doing today? Your birthday is about few days ago. You celebrate your first birthday at school, right? You start the school earlier than I was. I was 5 when I started, kids nowadays starts school earlier, your parent said it should be good for you to start an early “social interaction” with other kids at your age. You’re wearing a cute pink uniform, white socks, a pair of black girly shoes… look at that cute ponytail, you put a smile on your pretty face, you look so perfect! Yeah, I got a picture your mom sent to me, that’s how I know. She was also send me a short video when you make a line with your new friends before going to the class. You singing “naik kereta api, tut… tut.. tut..” as the teacher guide you to the class. Time flies, three years ago I was holding you in my arm, keep your tiny head next to my heart beat and I oftenly silly singing “apple of my eye, love me till I die“. And all you did was just sleeping, or greedily having me breast feeding you. I miss that moment. I do miss you.

I remember you were asking for a roller skates. I said to your mom and dad that I’ll give it to you as your birhday present. I know you really want it. But it was silly when your dad remaind me that you’re only three and you may get injured with it. “Sepatu roda? Waduh, jangan dulu deh.. nanti malah kegeblak dia..😓 Later when she get 5 deh..” he said. Stupid me, eh? 🙈 Thank to the parent that take a good care of you. Now you’re the heart of the family.
Parent. Your Parent. Two adult that commited to raise you. Adopt you for exact. Visit me regularly during the pregnancies that I hide from everyone, include your biological father, of course. They brought us a lot of food. You always like it. Do you remember? Been years in a marriage and wishing for a baby girl. And then you came, in such a magic way. They said it is a fate that you came to them thru me. I thank God that you’re with them. I bring you all into my pray.

This time is a special pray. I’m so lucky to see you growing up. To be close to you is something more than I deserve. I can’t thank God enough. I pray God that you’ll always bring love and happiness to the family. “…supaya kamu jadi anak yang pintar, baik, dan sopan.” Just like I whispered in your ear every morning at the chapel.

Happy birthday to you, (my) star bright. My best wishes for you. Apple of my eye, love me till I die.


Story#61. Sleeping Beauty

“Sleeping is nice, you can forget about everything for a little while…”


Do you know what is good about sleeping? Normal people can mention hundreds reason about health, beauty, whatsoever. For me, sleeping is a sacred rare moment happen in my life since…. since i was in high school, I guess? I often close my eyes to sleep but I didn’t really sleep. “Sleeping Beauty” for me is nothing but a nonsense. Oftenly, I keep my self busy and tired all day so I can sleep well at night. But it’s not always work out.

Many life stories in the world are worst than mine, I know. I just can’t stop thinking and figure out anything, small stuff somehow keep run in my empty mind…

Wondering how’s life will be if I never knew some people which their behave are away from my expectation? What if I marry with one of my asshole ex? I’m tired of adding names on the haters list, but what can I do since I can’t please everybody? What if I still work for Mr. ex boss? Will I have a better life? What if I die when I sleep? Will my spirit flying around the house and see my family and colleague come to see my death body? 

What if I get an unwanted pregnancies? What if I met the guy and get hesitate to decide whether I only admire him, or I just intense to flirt on him, or is he the one I really want in my life? What if I don’t need to behave? Can I say something like “Fuck this shit” and punch someone? Can I shoot people that ruin my day? What if I living in someone else’s life, will I be happy? What if I can talk better with my parent? What if I obey whatever my mother told me like eating veggie and don’t scratch my butt when I’m on period to avoid cellulite? What if illama and elepthant can fly? 

Still not yet to sleep. I try my best-non medical way to sleep: Crying, then my eyes become so tired and then yes, finally fall asleep. For a couple hours I am a sleeping beauty, I can forget about everything for a little while.

See you in my next episode!


Story #60. Me + God = Enough

“Me + God = Enough”

Ini status yang tercantum di bbm & whatsapp saya, juga pernah saya gunakan sebagai signature di salah satu email yang saya setting di hp blackberry. ~Dan tulisan ini udah dari 2015 ngendon di draft tapi gak pernah saya selesaikan hingga hari ini. ~ Saya menemukan rumus itu dari salah satu akun twitter beberapa tahun yang lalu. Kalimat tersebut adalah pengingat saya untuk senantiasa berserah diri kepada Tuhan. Waktu itu saya sedang berada pada situasi yang tidak menyenangkan, ruwet, menyebalkan, dan entah apa lagi kata yang tepat untuk mendeskripsikannya. Saya menempuh berbagai cara untuk bisa keluar dari situasi tersebut. Cara sebagai manusia biasa tentunya, dengan melibatkan sejumlah manusia lain, untuk memberi pelajaran pada sekelompok manusia yang lain lagi. Bingung ya? Coba baca sekali lagi!

Sebagian manusia pada kondisi kalut memiliki kecenderungan bertindak bodoh dan tidak solutif. Manusia berdoa, memohon jalan keluar terbaik atas suatu persoalan, tetapi tidak berserah diri pada Tuhan. E. Stanley Jones mengatakan, ” Kalau anda tidak berserah kepada Tuhan, anda akan berserah pada kekacauan.”
“Berserah” beda makna dengan “pasrah”. Dengan berserah, saya mempunyai semangat hidup yang tinggi, dan yakin akan pemeliharaan Tuhan atas hidup saya. Beda dengan pasrah, dimana hidup semacam tak ada lagi harapan, memandang segala sesuatu jadi pesimis. Endingnya orang pasrah bisa jadi bunuh diri, atau malah bunuh sesama! Formula “Me + God = Enough” bukan mentah-mentah saya tidak butuh manusia lain dalam hidup. Justru sesama manusia yang membawa kita pada pilihan untuk pasrah atau berserah. Toh Tuhan menggunakan kita manusia sebagai alatNya untuk berkarya. Dikasih kejadian yang tidak menyenangkan supaya kita jangan lupa bersyukur ketika kita diberi nikmat.

Kamu tau, Tuhan Yesus bilang “Datanglah kepadaku semua yang letih lesu dan berbeban berat. Aku akan memberi kelegaan kepadamu”. Siapa saja, katanya! Tidak terkecuali saya dan kamu! Serahkanlah pergumulan kepadaNya, jalani hidup sebaik-baiknya. Serumit-rumit masalah, pasti ada solusi. Lelah boleh, menyerah jangan. Dengar saran dari sesama manusia boleh, tapi jangan juga mudah terhasut. Berdoa dan berserahlah, karena kita ini hamba Tuhan dan Tuhan lebih mengenal kita lebih daripada kita mengenal diri sendiri. Maka terjadilah kepadaku menurut kehendakMu.

Me + God = Enough !

Story #58. My New Heart Community (Part 1)


Last weekend I decide to attend a retreat. I’m a catholic in a low level of spirituality, I guess. So a retreat might be good for me as my previous retreat was about… umm… 10 years ago? OMG! That was my second year in the university.

So, i was about to spend 3 days and 2 nights with another 30persons that i know nothing about them. All I know about the participants are what mentioned in the adv: minimum age 27, single, never been married. I don’t remember did they put the religion should be catholic or not. I guess they did ’cause I remember they asked me once. I know nobody there before. But I feel confident as I have nothing to be worry or affraid for. I don’t care, indeed. I need a short break after the hectic week of work, and this one looks perfect.
We start the activity on Friday evening in Wisma Puspanita, kind of homestay for a catholic retreat. The whole session was sharing from members about their struggle of life.

Aim of the retreat is that being a single catholic is a path of life. People may stay single for years, some other may see someone and get married, some others keep on dating and loosing or might in a short stupid relationship that always ended up with tears and a broken heart. A lot of stories, but thru real friendship in the community, we ain’t loose hope and spirit for life. Plus, we pray the same way, that mean something for the spirituality. It says that real friendship is to love, to forgive, and to serve.

There was sharing from 3 singles that open up our eyes for single stories that we might ever face the same situation. Common stories of being single, but different strugle. The sharing mean to inspire the participants, like one of couple that we called “Mami”, her childhood story remind me to Oshin story. She was sold by her father when she was about 6 and she was practicing karate to defense herself from step siblings that mean to her. Another sharing comes from singles and nun. The participants are welcome to celebacy if they felt called to be a monk.

I’m just so happy and bless to be in this community. My room mates are crazy, we plan to travelling together just a week after it. We have so much fun together and I’m hoping that the whole process is to bring us to be a person with a new heart that eager to love, to forgive, and to serve one another.

See you in my next episodes of life,

 Ciao! 😎

Story #57. Favorite Hello Of The Year 2016

Hey there,

It’s 2017 now but I feel like have to write some episode of life that happen in 2016 🤓 …and so I’ll write about my favorite hello.

It was almost end of the year when I met this mate. I was stay the night at the same place with him.  He lives there but had an office work, i guess, at out of the guesthouse. Well then, it was late night when I get there and I feel so unwell. After the receptionist give me my room key, I walked to the room. My room was next to the kitchen and there I saw him. Cooking! He look so skilled with the pan and a big plastic bag that filled with several boxes of ingredients, I saw a bottle of olive oil too that he uses it and he was cook tuna as I smelled it so good. We say hi as it was our second time seeing each other. I’m about in a mess with a shabby face, sick, and broken heart (again). I wasn’t expect to meet anyone I knew before.

I found that he’s more friendly than I tought before. He was asking me if I’d like to join his dinner. I said ok but I should put my bag first in the room. As I feel so unwell due to gastric acid attack, he offer me his medicine. I remember that he left the kitchen and went upstairs to his room to get me his last pill. Really, that was the very last one! I touched by his kindness. But that was not stop on the medicine. He asked me to grab a hot water in a cup as he gave me a sachet of ginger and also a slice of lemon that I swear it taste sooooo gooood!!!

He said that he’s also a had a gastic acid. But as long as we took a lemon before we eat, we’ll cool. He’s right. We had our dinner together, and I found out that he’s so kind and nice and care, indeed 😊.

Well, a sweet hello in the right moment. I was miles away from home in an unwell condition and there’s someone take a good care of me. Giving me medicine, food, and care  for I have a good sleep at that night. That was my favorite hello of the year!

Too bad, in the morning I have no chance to see him again. He already left to work when I woke up. So I texted him for a goodbye. I left the hostel to do my business and catch the flight back to Jakarta in the evening. Hope to see him again sometime when he visit Jakarta or I shall visit his country again. See you around, C!


Story #54. Drama of the Year 2016 eps iPhone (part 1)

Hello there,

I was starting the year of 2016 with  a list of wishes and resolution. I have no idea that I’m about facing a year full of stories! My story about gadget is becoming something that I should write.

I was using a windows phone and android before I fall for iphone. I buy my iphone once after I failed persuade my father to sell his iphone 5s to me then he can buy new iphone, he’s worth for an iphone 7. But he refuse the idea. So once when I visit Singapore, i buy an iphone, it’s an SE series. Not yet launch in Indonesia. It’s under international guarantee and i’m in love with its rose gold color. Why should SE series? That’s only that i’m afford to buy, hehehe… not really lah, it’s handed, feeling fit in my hand, it has 5s body but 6performance, the spec is enough for me, above series will be too much, and I love the color! That is the most important about SE. I return to Jakarta and so excited to become a newbie.

A problem come when I saw a software update notification on the phone screen. I was like delay the update due to it will need a strong and sustain internet connection which I didn’t have. But then once upon a time in a silent weekend I feel like my internet connection is strong enough, I click the update button. Bad luck for me the internet connection was unstabil. So a while after there was a notif saying “Error Code: 56“. I do the back up as my first response, then yes, what i’m affraid is happen: phone is blank. It only shows the itunes icon but i can move no where. So I talked to some friends, I went to infinite and ibox as well but none of them can fix it. It should only the software for God sake!

If you’re an apple user, the worldwide customer service are the best! So I make a lot of call to tell my problem and they guide me step by step to do the update but it didn’t work out. We’re on a discussion that I need to go back to Singapore for a new replacement before at first I email istudio at Paragon, looking for their advice. They’re very cooperate. Fast response and go straight to the solution (in this case theysuggest me to the A. Lab or QCD as well as suggested by the customer service on the phone).

I made a travel arrangement after two weeks get stuck with a death iphone. I went to QCD at Wheelock building and tell them my problem and also the cust service advice for a new replacement unit on the spot. After they do the procedure like checking the phone for the error software and make sure that I didn’t go anywhere to break the hardware, the manager talk to me. He’s a kind India guy. He was confirm on me what is going on with the phone and why he should give a new replacement on the spot. Also asked me why should I fly to Sing as apple service center are available in some place in Indonesia, esp Jakarta area. I’m telling him what I heard from the service center guys that Indonesia was not yet release the SE series, so even my phone is under international guarantee I can not have a new replacement, that’s the policy. Also, even if it possible,  my phone should send to Sing and waiting for the approval and then a new unit will send from sing to Indo and it takes like weeks! (Not make sense for me). Anyway, the manager say that he should discuss my case internally and do the coordination with apple people so he asked me to wait for another 30min. I said okay and I remind him that I should catch a flight. It was 12.05pm, my flight was at 3pm.

After 30min the custumer service girl inform me that YES, I WILL HAVE A NEW REPLACEMENT UNIT ON THE SPOT! I was like Hurray! I grab her wrist and with a big smile on my face I say: “REALLY??? A new replacement unit? Right now?”. I fulfil the form and going back to Jakarta as scheduled with the new replacement unit. And it’s in the same color: the lovely pinky rose gold!

The customer service girl at QCD was telling me that that day was my lucky day. The apple people was there for a visitation. Therefore I can have a quick approval. Many people come need a new replacement but it’s not that easy to get the approval. About the Error 56 code it’s a very rare error that ever happen. However, QCD is a very good in response my case, the manager is simcerely hands on and the customer service girl (how come I forget her name, my bad). I was come to Wheelock before 10am, consider that they’ll open at 10, but they open at 11. Within 2 hours  my case was solved very well. QCD at wheelock is very recomended, despite the fact that apple people was there so i can have a quick approval.

See you in my next episodes of life!

Story #53. Melamar Pekerjaan? Manner, please…

Hello there,

Setelah sebelumnya gw share tentang statement penolakan bagi pelamar pekerjaan, kali ini gw akan share 5 manner dalam melamar pekerjaan yang sebaiknya lw lakukan demi kelangsungan nama baik lw sendiri ✌🏻️.

1. Ketik! Jangan Tulis Tangan

Kalau posisi yang lw lamar adalah selain OB/OG, driver, satpam, dan istri bos sebaiknya surat lamaran lw ketik rapi. Ini menunjukkan bahwa si pelamar memang niat melamar kerja. Ada effort untuk ngetik, yang nerima surat lamaran juga jadi merasa dihargai. Saat ini hampir tidak ada alasan untuk tidak mengetik surat lamaran. Kalo gak punya komputer sendiri bisa ke rental komputer, warnet, atau pinjem pake punya temen. 

2. Gunakan Bahasa yang Formal, Baik, Sopan, meskipun penerimanya adalah temen sendiri, pacarnya temen, temennya pacar, anggota keluarga, kerabat dari anggota keluarga, and so on…

Informasi lowongan kerja bisa didapat dari mana saja. Gak jarang juga yang kasih info orang yang kita kenal atau kenalannya orang itu 😜, meski demikian tetap gunakan pilihan bahasa yang baik dan sopan karna ada kemungkinan surat lamaran lw bukan cuma dibaca kenalan lw doang, mungkin bos nya atau divisi lain terkait.

Lw bisa pakai pengantar sbb:

“Dear Ibu A@&$)&@*,

Sehubungan dengan informasi lowongan pekerjaan yang saya dapatkan dari rekan saya W”@&$, maka saya mengajukan lamaran untuk posisi Marketing. Terlampir CV saya dan dokumen pendukung lainnya. ”


“Hai Cyn, nih ya gw udah email surat lamaran sm CV gw. Buruan kabarin ya, gw dah muak banget sama bos & kerjaan gw yang sekarang! Plis lah cyn!!”

Kalo gw sebagai penerima surat lamaran itu: Hello cyn, gw ilfil baca email lw!


“Cuy, ini CV gw, minta tolong donk lw tambahin informasi ini: Thn 1945-1947 kerja di PT. Bambu Runcing. Thn 1947 – 1955 Kuliah di Universitas WakWau Jurusan Ekonomi Manajemen (note: yg ini kalo ga butuh yaudah ga usah ditulis ya, soalnya gw kuliahnya kelamaan, ijasah juga ga punya gegara gw keburu di DO).”

Good point! Si pemberi kerja kemungkinan langsung baper dan nangis di pojok ruangan. Edun euy….

3. Tunjukan “Kamu” dalam CV

Tampilkan siapa lw dalam lembar CV yang oke. Catchy, dan simple. Dari halaman CV bisa keliatan kok seberapa akrab lw sama kompie. Misal lw nulis punya kemampuan photoshop, ya tunjukin dengan kreasi CV yang berwarna, terkonsep, tapi informasi di dalamnya lengkap dan jelas. Beda dengan kalo lw ngelamar misal di firma hukum, ya mungkin CV warna warni agak kurang tepat. Lebih baik lw tonjolkan latar belakang pendidikan dan pelatihan pendukung lainnya.

4. Datang interview tepat waktu dan dalam kondisi rapi

Rapi adalah syarat mutlak. Lw dateng memenuhi undangan tepat waktu, dan jika dibutuhkan sempetin ga sampe 5 menit deh untuk mastiin kondisi lw rapi: rambut disisir rapi, muka, gigi dan sepatu bersih, badan gak bau matahari apalagi bau badan 😭

5. Fokus, Sopan, Detil

Saat sesi interview, pastikan lw fokus pada pertanyaan. Jangan sibuk jelalatan atau tangan sibuk garuk2 iih gak banget deh. 

Sesi ini adalah sesi untuk lw tau pekerjaan seperti apa yang nantinya bakal lw lakukan dan untuk perusahaan juga tau kira2 lw cocok gak di posisi yang ditawarkan. Bisa jadi mungkin awalnya lw ngelamar untuk posisi di operational, tapi karna saat interview lw terkesan talkative, lw di tawarin posisi lain. So pay attention pada deskripsi pekerjaan dan kalo lw ada ketidaksetujuan, sampaikan dengan sopan. Jangan iya2 tapi nantinya lw mengeluh.

Begitulah kira-kiranya. Sharing gw ini berdasarkan pengalaman dan pengamatan pribadi. Semoga membantu. 

See you in the next episodes of life,


Story #52. Melamar Pekerjaan? Peka-lah Dengan Statement Penolakan


Tahun baru nih, semoga semua harapan positif kita diimbangi dengan usaha untuk meraihnya ya! Bagi sebagian orang, mungkin mendapat pekerjaan yang lebih baik menjadi salah satu harapan baru. Motivasinya bisa beragam, dari nggak happy kerja di tempat yang sekarang, butuh pekerjaan dengan penghasilan lebih besar, jenuh, atau biasanya para fresh grad nih on fire untuk mendapatkan pekerjaan pertama.

Pelamar kerja biasanya mengirimkan surat lamaran pekerjaan beserta -minimal- CV ke perusahaan yang di tuju. Nggak semua pelamar bisa diterima karena jumlah karyawan pada posisi yang dibutuhkan tentu terbatas. Kecuali semacam “anak titipan bos”, minim lah berlaku penolakan. Nah, gw sebagai user, akan sharing beberapa statement yang umum digunakan untuk menolak kandidat.

  1. Kami akan kabari anda dalam 2 minggu kedepan. Jika kami tidak menghubungi anda kembali, berarti kita belum ada kesempatan untuk bekerja sama. -Ini pernyataan yang paling santun.
  2. Kami akan simpan CV anda di file aktif kami dan memberi kabar secepatnya begitu ada posisi yang sesuai dengan kualifikasi yang anda sebutkan di CV. -Faktanya, kalau next butuh kandidat baru untuk posisi lain, tentu akan menyebar ulang informasi lowongan pekerjaan instead of buka lagi data pelamar.
  3. Yang sy lihat pengalaman dan kemampuan anda sangat baik ya, cocok untuk di level manajerial, sayangnya saat ini hanya ada lowongan untuk di level staff. -Kemungkinannya, penolakan terjadi karna ada kandidat lain dengan kualifikasi sama/sedikit lebih rendah, tapi gaji yang diminta lebih rendah.
  4. Pengalaman dan kemampuan anda baik, tapi saat ini ada kandidat yang lebih mendekati kualifikasi yang kami butuhkan. Bukan berarti anda tidak qualify. -Kalo ini, user / pewawancaranya baik hati, berusaha membesarkan hati pelamar dan menolak dengan sangat halus.

Semua pernyataan diatas pernah gw denger sebagai pelamar, dan pernah juga gw pake sebagai user untuk menolak pelamar. Ada banyak pengembangan kalimatnya untuk sebuah penolakan. Tapi jangan berkecil hati, kalau rejeki gak akan kemana, jangan lupa imbangi dengan usaha dan doa ya! Next gw akan sharing manner yang baik untuk melamar pekerjaan menuju pekerjaan impian.


See you in the next episodes of life.