Story #64. A Birthday (Apple of my eye, love me till I Die – 1)

(A story from a friend, for her hidden child)

Dear you,
Hey, how are you doing today? Your birthday is about few days ago. You celebrate your first birthday at school, right? You start the school earlier than I was. I was 5 when I started, kids nowadays starts school earlier, your parent said it should be good for you to start an early “social interaction” with other kids at your age. You’re wearing a cute pink uniform, white socks, a pair of black girly shoes… look at that cute ponytail, you put a smile on your pretty face, you look so perfect! Yeah, I got a picture your mom sent to me, that’s how I know. She was also send me a short video when you make a line with your new friends before going to the class. You singing “naik kereta api, tut… tut.. tut..” as the teacher guide you to the class. Time flies, three years ago I was holding you in my arm, keep your tiny head next to my heart beat and I oftenly silly singing “apple of my eye, love me till I die“. And all you did was just sleeping, or greedily having me breast feeding you. I miss that moment. I do miss you.

I remember you were asking for a roller skates. I said to your mom and dad that I’ll give it to you as your birhday present. I know you really want it. But it was silly when your dad remaind me that you’re only three and you may get injured with it. “Sepatu roda? Waduh, jangan dulu deh.. nanti malah kegeblak dia..😓 Later when she get 5 deh..” he said. Stupid me, eh? 🙈 Thank to the parent that take a good care of you. Now you’re the heart of the family.
Parent. Your Parent. Two adult that commited to raise you. Adopt you for exact. Visit me regularly during the pregnancies that I hide from everyone, include your biological father, of course. They brought us a lot of food. You always like it. Do you remember? Been years in a marriage and wishing for a baby girl. And then you came, in such a magic way. They said it is a fate that you came to them thru me. I thank God that you’re with them. I bring you all into my pray.

This time is a special pray. I’m so lucky to see you growing up. To be close to you is something more than I deserve. I can’t thank God enough. I pray God that you’ll always bring love and happiness to the family. “…supaya kamu jadi anak yang pintar, baik, dan sopan.” Just like I whispered in your ear every morning at the chapel.

Happy birthday to you, (my) star bright. My best wishes for you. Apple of my eye, love me till I die.



Story #63. Love’s Just a Feeling

Hi there :- )


When I don’t know where else to go, Starbucks is always being my best choice. My favorite spot is fall to the one in Karawaci next to Benton Junction, and another one is close to Pasar Baru, Jakarta. I had my all time pleasure: Caramel Machiato. Ice. Grande. I do exercise but can’t help myself to reject hundreds of calories within, LoL ! Macchiato is an Italian word meaning “marked.” Perhaps there’s a story why an American franchisee put Italian name for the menus. I’m a coffee lover, but I don’t drink black. I like it smooth, sweet, and strong at the same time, like when the espresso hit the milk and blend with the caramel sauce.


I sat down at the corner, prepare my self to read a book, but I can’t. Guess I’m not in a good mood to read. I saw bunch of whatsapp notification on the phone screen. The number of notifications can be the same as the number of calories in my coffee. I’ll check them later. I went to youtube, instead. Check on Lindsey Stirling and found “Love’s just a feeling”.


Cause love’s just a feeling
Some kind of emotion
When you need the healing
When you’re all broken
Don’t overthink it
But for the moment live slowly


I wonder Is it really as simple as what she said? Well I remembered my dating record. Love is really just some kind of emotion that in term of hormonal can boost my mood in almost everything I do. Make me feel like   “I wanna fall like I won’t hit the ground, I wanna dance like nobody’s around, Walk on the edge and not look down, Follow my heart and lose my head into the clouds”.


Love is persist, it’s the man keep come and go. I fall, I broke my heart, I get heal, and then I fall again. The circle is bullshit but it’s the truth. As time goes by, I try not to overthink about it. I live the moment slowly, every moment, indeed. Each one of them are worth to live. Even that I have to face a hard time through it, love is really some kind of emotion with a fragile consequences. I was once feel like I’ll never be able to live again, I mean I’m not the same person as I ever was. I realize I do not change, I just grow up becoming somebody stronger. I’m not afraid to fall again. I hold my hands up, Afraid of so much. It’s time I let it all go, Maybe I’ve lost touch. In all the blind love. I’m gonna let it all go.


Cause love’s just a feeling
Don’t overthink it

But for the moment live slowly!


I sip my coffee, I love the espresso touch within. Kind of strong emotion that you can only taste it at the tip of the tongue.



See you in my next episode of life.

Story #62. Born To Die

Come and take a walk on the wild side. Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain. You like your girls insane. Choose your last words.

This is the last time… ‘Cause you and I, we were born to die… (Lana del Ray)

This is such a nice place in the morning! Been months I spent my sunday morning here for falun dafa, but don’t talk to me about my consistency practicing falun dafa. I am at the lowest level. Some people practicing yoga and tai chi here, and also aerobic 😅. Yeah, aerobic. The one with a loud music. Hard beat, also screams sometimes, while other excercises use only such instrumental. I sit down here waiting for my partner to come. With that loud music from the aerobic corner, I find it is not easy to concentrate here, but it’s a challange , I guess. Whatever. I used to come to this place years ago, spent the night with bunch of friends. I was early 20es, young, naif, and stupid! Late in the afternoon till drop this place is a hawker center. There are some restaurant as well, including two fancy korean restaurant, which I don’t like any, for me, Bornga is still the best! 

Sometimes I wonder and imagine randome things. Like the second I sit  here, listening to Lana del Ray singing we were born to die. My memory’s back to random moments in the past. What should a human do in their live if we were only born to die? What do they search? Why can’t we choose the way we die? I remember my 10years old nephew give a thought about death, he said “What makes people die? I mean, in what term God is taking someone’s live? A new born baby can die as well as an adult die cause of ill. A baby isn’t yet living a life, an adult might not yet enough time to do good things for people around, not enough chances to do awesome things in life. Kalo aku yang meninggal gimana? Baru umur segini, rasanya naik bajaj aja belom tau.” It was a stupid couple minute shocking moment for me as I never expect such question come from a kid. 

Well, technically we’re all were born to die. But life is about how we live the life, how we feel, how we deal. I believe that before we born, we’re all a free spirit. And then right before the universe magically blows us into a woman’s womb, turn us into fetus, we have had deal about whatever we face in life. It include happy and sad, up and down, consequences of options we take, chances, wtf. The second we born, it was like we push a reset button. We don’t remember what we had deal with the universe. We’re all an empty mind, growth to learn and to search our own meaning in life. To feel pain, to live the drama, to fullfil the emptyness of our souls. 

I’ve walk at the darkest and wildest side of my life. I can’t see what’s in front of me, all I know is to keep walking… 

…Would you walk with me? Be alive with me, let me kiss you hard under the pouring rain… We can lay down somewhere under the sky, don’t you know every second we look up to the sky is a handmade view from the universe just for us? If there’s another second I look up after you kiss my lips, the universe capture me another view. I wanna hear you whisper me your last word, perhaps this is the last time, cause we were born to die.


See you in the next stories 😉

Story#61. Sleeping Beauty

“Sleeping is nice, you can forget about everything for a little while…”


Do you know what is good about sleeping? Normal people can mention hundreds reason about health, beauty, whatsoever. For me, sleeping is a sacred rare moment happen in my life since…. since i was in high school, I guess? I often close my eyes to sleep but I didn’t really sleep. “Sleeping Beauty” for me is nothing but a nonsense. Oftenly, I keep my self busy and tired all day so I can sleep well at night. But it’s not always work out.

Many life stories in the world are worst than mine, I know. I just can’t stop thinking and figure out anything, small stuff somehow keep run in my empty mind…

Wondering how’s life will be if I never knew some people which their behave are away from my expectation? What if I marry with one of my asshole ex? I’m tired of adding names on the haters list, but what can I do since I can’t please everybody? What if I still work for Mr. ex boss? Will I have a better life? What if I die when I sleep? Will my spirit flying around the house and see my family and colleague come to see my death body? 

What if I get an unwanted pregnancies? What if I met the guy and get hesitate to decide whether I only admire him, or I just intense to flirt on him, or is he the one I really want in my life? What if I don’t need to behave? Can I say something like “Fuck this shit” and punch someone? Can I shoot people that ruin my day? What if I living in someone else’s life, will I be happy? What if I can talk better with my parent? What if I obey whatever my mother told me like eating veggie and don’t scratch my butt when I’m on period to avoid cellulite? What if illama and elepthant can fly? 

Still not yet to sleep. I try my best-non medical way to sleep: Crying, then my eyes become so tired and then yes, finally fall asleep. For a couple hours I am a sleeping beauty, I can forget about everything for a little while.

See you in my next episode!


Story #60. Me + God = Enough

“Me + God = Enough”

Ini status yang tercantum di bbm & whatsapp saya, juga pernah saya gunakan sebagai signature di salah satu email yang saya setting di hp blackberry. ~Dan tulisan ini udah dari 2015 ngendon di draft tapi gak pernah saya selesaikan hingga hari ini. ~ Saya menemukan rumus itu dari salah satu akun twitter beberapa tahun yang lalu. Kalimat tersebut adalah pengingat saya untuk senantiasa berserah diri kepada Tuhan. Waktu itu saya sedang berada pada situasi yang tidak menyenangkan, ruwet, menyebalkan, dan entah apa lagi kata yang tepat untuk mendeskripsikannya. Saya menempuh berbagai cara untuk bisa keluar dari situasi tersebut. Cara sebagai manusia biasa tentunya, dengan melibatkan sejumlah manusia lain, untuk memberi pelajaran pada sekelompok manusia yang lain lagi. Bingung ya? Coba baca sekali lagi!

Sebagian manusia pada kondisi kalut memiliki kecenderungan bertindak bodoh dan tidak solutif. Manusia berdoa, memohon jalan keluar terbaik atas suatu persoalan, tetapi tidak berserah diri pada Tuhan. E. Stanley Jones mengatakan, ” Kalau anda tidak berserah kepada Tuhan, anda akan berserah pada kekacauan.”
“Berserah” beda makna dengan “pasrah”. Dengan berserah, saya mempunyai semangat hidup yang tinggi, dan yakin akan pemeliharaan Tuhan atas hidup saya. Beda dengan pasrah, dimana hidup semacam tak ada lagi harapan, memandang segala sesuatu jadi pesimis. Endingnya orang pasrah bisa jadi bunuh diri, atau malah bunuh sesama! Formula “Me + God = Enough” bukan mentah-mentah saya tidak butuh manusia lain dalam hidup. Justru sesama manusia yang membawa kita pada pilihan untuk pasrah atau berserah. Toh Tuhan menggunakan kita manusia sebagai alatNya untuk berkarya. Dikasih kejadian yang tidak menyenangkan supaya kita jangan lupa bersyukur ketika kita diberi nikmat.

Kamu tau, Tuhan Yesus bilang “Datanglah kepadaku semua yang letih lesu dan berbeban berat. Aku akan memberi kelegaan kepadamu”. Siapa saja, katanya! Tidak terkecuali saya dan kamu! Serahkanlah pergumulan kepadaNya, jalani hidup sebaik-baiknya. Serumit-rumit masalah, pasti ada solusi. Lelah boleh, menyerah jangan. Dengar saran dari sesama manusia boleh, tapi jangan juga mudah terhasut. Berdoa dan berserahlah, karena kita ini hamba Tuhan dan Tuhan lebih mengenal kita lebih daripada kita mengenal diri sendiri. Maka terjadilah kepadaku menurut kehendakMu.

Me + God = Enough !

Story #59. Cheers To The Freakin’ Weekend

Hey there,

How are you guys doing? If you’re about to spend a weekend with your gank, then you may consider what I’ll show you.

Wanna guess where? It’s in Maribaya, Bandung. As we’re stayin Jakarta, we took a travel on friday night after office hour. It took about 2-3hours to reach Bandung thru highway. From Jakarta, the travel fare is 120K per person. The travel bus dropped us in their final stop in Cihampelas. We stay the night at the airbnb hotel close to Ciwalk. My best suggestion, do book the hotel days before, or if you book on the spot please compare the price that shows in traveloka or etc and direct call to the hotel.

We start our journey early in the morning. We took a rent car that picked us up in the hotel and take us to The Lodge Maribaya. Cost for the rent car was 700K for a full day book, include the driver and gas. We stop by at small resto for a breakfast on our way to Maribaya. The trip took about couple hours. Thank God we had breakfast  because the road is rocky, might cause you sick if you had empty stomach.

The Lodge Maribaya is an outdoor attraction. Suits for family (not suggest for babies) and friends. You should pay 20K per pax at the entrance gate and you deserve for a free fresh water when you exit (we didn’t took the water anyway, forgot we had one). Inside, you’ll find beautiful mountain view and some attraction you can play and took a great photo spot such sky tree, zip bike (this one is so much fun, swear, you should try!), and sky wing. Should pay (again) 15K – 20K for each. It’s not an all in ticket, so you won’t feel bad or feel lost if you ain’t play anything just because you don’t have enough guts to play! LoL!

We spent like a half day there. We stop due to the rain that comes right after we play the zip bike. We trapped with the rain but we’re happy with the siomay and mendoan at the food court there. They do not allow us to bring F&B from outside, but the food taste there are not bad at all. We leave there after the rain.

Our late lunch was in sundanese restaurant. We ate a lot and having a good deal. 7pax (big portion) and spent less than 300K. WOW!

After it we leave to the downtown. We visit a Upside Down World at Lebak Gede, Coblong. Pay the ticket 100K per each. A bit expensive, yes, but you won’t be sorry cause you’ll have your best experinces having a loooooottt of cute photos! There are staff that will happily helped us taking good pictures!

End of The Upside Down World, we drive to Lembang and having a coffee time in Lawangwangi Art Lounge Bandung. The F&B price is a bit expensive but the view and the place is worth it all :-). Too bad it was foggy so we have limited photo shoot. But it was a lot of fun as we always have some fun in every single situation! We end up our journey that night by staying at the hotel at Lembang, then go to drink fresh milk, and having a mid night dinner! LoL. As we leave in the morning, we were having lunch at Lapo and spoil ourselves eating pork which is so delicious, like you can taste heaven at the tips of your tongue (Haha… I’m sorry, I’m just a pork lover).

That’s how we spent our short weekend!

I’m sorry for not sharing too many pictures here. If you feel interest, then you should explore it yourself! Go grab your backpack for this weekend.


See you in my next episodes of life stories.







Story #58. My New Heart Community (Part 1)


Last weekend I decide to attend a retreat. I’m a catholic in a low level of spirituality, I guess. So a retreat might be good for me as my previous retreat was about… umm… 10 years ago? OMG! That was my second year in the university.

So, i was about to spend 3 days and 2 nights with another 30persons that i know nothing about them. All I know about the participants are what mentioned in the adv: minimum age 27, single, never been married. I don’t remember did they put the religion should be catholic or not. I guess they did ’cause I remember they asked me once. I know nobody there before. But I feel confident as I have nothing to be worry or affraid for. I don’t care, indeed. I need a short break after the hectic week of work, and this one looks perfect.
We start the activity on Friday evening in Wisma Puspanita, kind of homestay for a catholic retreat. The whole session was sharing from members about their struggle of life.

Aim of the retreat is that being a single catholic is a path of life. People may stay single for years, some other may see someone and get married, some others keep on dating and loosing or might in a short stupid relationship that always ended up with tears and a broken heart. A lot of stories, but thru real friendship in the community, we ain’t loose hope and spirit for life. Plus, we pray the same way, that mean something for the spirituality. It says that real friendship is to love, to forgive, and to serve.

There was sharing from 3 singles that open up our eyes for single stories that we might ever face the same situation. Common stories of being single, but different strugle. The sharing mean to inspire the participants, like one of couple that we called “Mami”, her childhood story remind me to Oshin story. She was sold by her father when she was about 6 and she was practicing karate to defense herself from step siblings that mean to her. Another sharing comes from singles and nun. The participants are welcome to celebacy if they felt called to be a monk.

I’m just so happy and bless to be in this community. My room mates are crazy, we plan to travelling together just a week after it. We have so much fun together and I’m hoping that the whole process is to bring us to be a person with a new heart that eager to love, to forgive, and to serve one another.

See you in my next episodes of life,

 Ciao! 😎

Story #57. Favorite Hello Of The Year 2016

Hey there,

It’s 2017 now but I feel like have to write some episode of life that happen in 2016 🤓 …and so I’ll write about my favorite hello.

It was almost end of the year when I met this mate. I was stay the night at the same place with him.  He lives there but had an office work, i guess, at out of the guesthouse. Well then, it was late night when I get there and I feel so unwell. After the receptionist give me my room key, I walked to the room. My room was next to the kitchen and there I saw him. Cooking! He look so skilled with the pan and a big plastic bag that filled with several boxes of ingredients, I saw a bottle of olive oil too that he uses it and he was cook tuna as I smelled it so good. We say hi as it was our second time seeing each other. I’m about in a mess with a shabby face, sick, and broken heart (again). I wasn’t expect to meet anyone I knew before.

I found that he’s more friendly than I tought before. He was asking me if I’d like to join his dinner. I said ok but I should put my bag first in the room. As I feel so unwell due to gastric acid attack, he offer me his medicine. I remember that he left the kitchen and went upstairs to his room to get me his last pill. Really, that was the very last one! I touched by his kindness. But that was not stop on the medicine. He asked me to grab a hot water in a cup as he gave me a sachet of ginger and also a slice of lemon that I swear it taste sooooo gooood!!!

He said that he’s also a had a gastic acid. But as long as we took a lemon before we eat, we’ll cool. He’s right. We had our dinner together, and I found out that he’s so kind and nice and care, indeed 😊.

Well, a sweet hello in the right moment. I was miles away from home in an unwell condition and there’s someone take a good care of me. Giving me medicine, food, and care  for I have a good sleep at that night. That was my favorite hello of the year!

Too bad, in the morning I have no chance to see him again. He already left to work when I woke up. So I texted him for a goodbye. I left the hostel to do my business and catch the flight back to Jakarta in the evening. Hope to see him again sometime when he visit Jakarta or I shall visit his country again. See you around, C!


Story #56. Drama of the Year eps iphone (part 2-end)

Hi there,

I was in A-Lab Singapore. I took an MRT from the airport, go straight to Plaza Singapura, no stop by for pee or meal, not even buy drink. I took morning flight from jakarta, get my ass sit on their waiting room at about 12.30pm. My iPhone was coinsidently death on my software update process a couple week before. I went back to sing, the country where I buy the iphone after I get rejection to have a service in Jakarta. The phone is under international guarantee but its not yet sale in Indonesia. 

My turn’s coming. I come to one of the CS desk. Telling all my problem. It was a young boy serve me. He plug my phone to his laptop and say that it was failed to do an update. What he did is exactly the same as I did. The result was remain the same: “Error Code: 56“.I told him that as suggested by online CS, I deserve a new replacement unit. He said okay but I got to wait like 10 working days. That’s sounds crazy for me. In fact, I don’t have 10 working days without the phone and i don’t come back to Sing just to pick up the new unit. The cost is too much for me. I mention all of it to him, then he went inside he said he need to talk to his manager. He said they can not help me to a new replacement on the spot. I can’t stand my emotion, tears start running out from my eyes. The boy seems sorry then he went inside again, give me tissues and call his… i don’t remember… a supervisor or his senior maybe, to assist me. But he can’t help either. His words was sharp as I remembered. “Whoever you are, even our manager have no advice but strict to the procedure.” 

My explanation seems meaningless at that moment. I fly across the neighbour country and gotta catch  another flight back to Jakarta in the next day. How come they have no solution for me. 
Minutes after I still can’t stop crying, this senior CS was suggest me to make a call to the online apple support. He showed me a small room, there’s a small round table, about 2-4 chairs there, and a  phone to call the online apple support. And the room is damn cold! I hate it! 

The thing about make a call to them is I keep waiting for crazy minutes. When I finally reach one of the them, I -again- tell my story to them. They do have a record of my issue but I still have to tell them myself that I was so frustated to be in such condition. I was make a few calls and assist with different person, I can’t hide them that I cry and feel so frustated. Finally at about 4pm, I got a deal from the apple support that she will give her authorization to the customer service in A.Lab to give me an express replacement unit. But the offer is bad for me, because it mean that I have to stay in Sing, and after like 3 days Apple will inform me that new unit is ready, the unit is about to send to my address (or to A.Lab, I forgot), but then I have to send back the unworking unit to them, and the delivery charge is on me. Both of the delivery: for the new unit that send to me and the unworking unit that I got to send back to them by myself. I didn’t agree with this solution.

Then I make a new call and another new pic assist me. It’s a woman, and as I told you before, I can’t hide that I was cry over and over again. All of the apple support team, for me they’re so kind and sincere. I remember one of the pic said to me, “Maam, please don’t cry. I know how frustated your condition right now but please stop crying. I would jump from the phone if I could and give you a direct replacement unit if I could.” I was surprised by such kind attention. 

A minute after, she asked me to call the CS that serve me in A. Lab to advice a new replacement on the spot. I went outside the room with a trembled knee and hands, had a headache and stomachache due to I had no lunch, not even drink. A.Lab provide free water for their customer and it’s a self service which I see the water spot on my way out leaving A. Lab for forever! I ignored that sickness and concentrate on my issue. I call the CS and he follow me into the room right away. 

Less than five minutes after he talked to the apple support, he said that he need to take my phone and checked with his manager for a new replacement. I was so excited, I think I had enough suffer for the day. It was 7pm. Unfortunately, the guy come back to the room, still bring my phone and mention me this words, “Sorry, but since your phone is under international guarantee, it’s againts our country policy to do a replacement on the spot. I already tell my manager too that you have to catch your flight by tomorrow, but sorry all we can offer you is the regular replacement or the express replacement. Up to you to choose.” I was like ‘damn!’ Then what’s the ‘international waranty’ stands for if even in the country that I buy I have no special term and condition?! I mean, what’s the different with not under international waranty!?

I make a new call to the apple support. I was so desperate and still can’t stop my tears running out. A new apple support assist me. She suggest me to go to another provider in Sing and see if she can give the apple supports authority for a new replacement unit on the spot! In my super desperate minute, I wonder is it worth to try? The girl said yes it is worth to try so I left A. Lab with an unsure feeling. I met the senior CS guy that serve me still there with the last customer I guess. I said thank you to him and telling him that I might probably come back in the morning if it necesaary. I fill my bottle there before I left the A. Lab. It was about 10pm, they turn off several lamps already, so with the mall as well. Walking out of that place, I soon looking for a toilet. I pee and for sure I puke! No meals that day, plus I feel so frustated. I went downstairs and thank God I still can stand on my own feet. 

At the end of the escalator, before the juction to the MRT station, I stop by to buy meal. I buy cheeseburger as I realize I need to eat something and considering the fact that whatever I ate I will puke it all within 45 minutes or less. I had a couple bite and feel like I can’t eat it no more. I wrap the rest, bring it to the place where I stay for the night. I walked to reach the MRT station, heading to Bugis. On the way to the hostel, I passed by Raflesia Hospital and can’t stand to puke. So I enter the lobby, and perfectly throw that two bites of cheeseburger into the toilet! 

That is end of the drama that day! Get out from the A. Lab with no result, coinsidently do fasting, sick at Raffless Hospital. All I ever want that night is nothing but a bed and painkiller.

Everyday is an anventure, and adventure has others story beside sweet and awesome.

See you in my next episodes of life!